If you were to ask me 2 years ago, where i think i'd be, i would more then likely have told you; With My Girlfriend, A Kid, Maybe a job if i got tired of waiting for my SSI to hit, Happy.
Last year, those dreams Faded. my Ex Left me for the other man she cheated on me with, my mother betrayed my trust. i have yet to meet the woman who'd make me happy who'd see what no one else sees. all i am is an uncle. i have a job and i'm living with Family.
i know i know. "Wait for her and she'll come". i keep getting told that. but it just seems like everytime i wait and she does come, i get played like a fool. i must've cursed god several times because of my bad luck. my kindness leads to betrayal which leads to depression and casting myself into the shadows or even leaving. i never get to close to people because i don't want to be dependent on them and go to them for my problems and favors.
On dA however, it seems like yesterday when a cosplayer on here said she wouldn't follow me and yet expected her followers to follow her. i've started to love getting followers who do the "you follow me i follow you". i just Favorite things that spark my interest. yes i enjoy the sexy power girl or sexy Supergirl, but i ALSO Prefer the Classic image, no teasing, no Adult themes, and even crossovers regarding "Disney Princess As...". or the photos that go "ok, i'm a Real Girl, i don't have a supermodels body, or a pornstars boobs, but i'm real and i want to try this." i enjoy people who take the time and the effort who just want to either take the idea to paper or the time to dress up and feel like a kid again. i mean, who hasn't put on a cape and pretend to fly/glide like Batman/Superman.
That's what i don't really get. Social media turns ordinary people, Boys, Girls, Men, Women, into "Stars" all because of costumes or Company Promotions. yet at the end of the day when they have an Actual problem the fans leave the comment; "Hope it gets better We Love you (So-and-so)". yet the person who actually gives a damn will message the person and ask "Want to talk about it?" and they'll get completely ignored.
yes, that has happened to me. Not the whole Celebrity thing, but i have had friends who took an intrest and used it on social media. the popularity would grow and eventually what led to what i thought was a friendship made me feel like i was just another fan. her and i had a falling out, yet when my other facebook account was terminated, i ended up having her on this one. we reconciled and yet we don't talk.
Sadly because her and i both work, but when it comes down to it, i don't think we could ever talk about anything else without me havin a break down.
that being said, i have major abandonment issues. after My Ex Left, it eventually left a hole in my heart, i did move on from it and fell in love with someone (the woman from like...2 Journals ago), after she broke my heart all hope, all sense left my heart. i've found myself wearing all black. when i ride i would talk to myself and come up with plausible story ideas and then leave them outside for work. now that i got a motor on my bike, my attention goes on the road and where it leads to with more thoughts on my mind.
Earlier last week, when i was taking a Modified route to work, i ended up thinking of Broken promises. everyone who said they'll always be here, they'll always love me, they'll never break my heart and fast forward to when "the levi breaks" and i'm left out in the rain.
so i guess now i DO know why some actually become a Game/Anime Critic on twitter, or a Professional Cosplayer, or sometimes even turning a video game into a weekly/Daily stream.
but question is, do they remember their friends who'd want to crack open a beer and just shoot the breeze and just talk about what life is throwing them? the good, the bad and the "Dude that did NOT just happen"